Kern for President/Part 1

Not happy with your choices for president? Consider me.

I’ve not written anything the last couple of months because I didn’t know what I could add that would be helpful in these times of so much suffering and chaos. Then I had an idea – a piece that would convey something meaningful but wrapped in a little humor. After all, we could all use a reason to smile.

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Great news. I’ve decided to run for president. After a very short primary season, I gained the nomination of the YouUsAll Party. (Say it quickly as a kind of chant – YouUsAll! YouUsAll! YouUsAll! – and you’ll see how clever the name is.)

I’m honored of course, and also humbled by the enormity of the undertaking. At the same time, work/life balance is important to me, which is why I’m limiting myself to a social-media-only campaign. Maybe even to just this one newsletter.

Already you might be sensing a lack of commitment on my part, but rest assured I’m taking my campaign seriously. I’ve even fleshed out my answers to the first questions I expect to receive from a skeptical media. Starting with my qualifications and my rationale for running. 

On the qualifications front, I’d begin with my obvious advantages: I’m white, male, and old enough to be somewhat at risk of not living through my first term. Beyond that, however, my curriculum vitae gets a little thin – but nothing that couldn't be washed over with a combination of bluster, self-effacing humor, and the tossing out of terms like “curriculum vitae“ every now then. That should serve me well in my inevitable interview with the New York Times editorial board.

As to why I want to run, that’s required a little more thought. Why offer myself as an alternative only to the small number of states that allow voters to write-in an unregistered candidate for president?¹

Let me start by claiming, erroneously, that ego plays no role in my quest. I simply want to add my voice to those who see clearly that our country is dangerously off track, engaged in a three-prong stampede toward three unforgiving cliffs: climate change, World War Three, and a dis-integrating democracy. Clearly, we need a radical change in course. 

So far you might agree that my campaign rests on a solid footing. But the answer to the next question – What exactly is the radical change you're suggesting? – is the one that will decide if this campaign has legs. That’s where the rubber hits the road. That’s what will determine if this boat sails or sinks, if this plane flys or falls. To fail to answer that question, to evade it, to obfuscate it, would be tantamount to offering a thirsty person water from a fast-leaking cup. 

Which reminds me…have I mentioned my campaign theme?

I’ve run through a few options. Recalling Apple’s popular “Think Different” advertising campaign, I thought “DO Different” might catch on. But then I had another idea. What if my theme was something people see whenever they mistake an off ramp for a freeway entrance? What if my theme was simply, “Turn around, you’re going the wrong way”?

Personally, I like it. Imagine the fear people feel when they realize they’re about to rush head-on into oncoming traffic. To me, invoking that feeling is the goal. Unfortunately my focus group disagreed. My wife just wouldn’t have it.

So then I started considering a third option. Yes we’re going the wrong way, but why? And then it hit me: Because we have signs pointing the wrong way! Invested interests are putting up all kinds of signs to mislead people into doing or believing what they want them to do or believe – all in order to achieve selfish aims. Signs about what’s real and what’s fake, what’s true and what’s false, who’s right and who’s wrong, who’s evil and who’s good. With so many signs pointing in so many opposite directions, no wonder we’re running around like proverbial chickens with our heads cut off. 

So, if having too many signs pointing in too many opposing directions is the problem, I figured my campaign theme had to be the unifying sign, the king and queen of signs, the sign to rule all signs. The sign that would quell the noise and clarify the choice. My theme, my sign, would read:

“The truth is love.”

Think about it. All we need to do – when we’re watching, reading or listening to some message that grabs our attention –  is to ask ourselves, is this message delivered with love? Does this message carry with it compassion, care, and humility? Does it increase understanding? Does it strengthen our sense of community? If the answer to those questions is no, we need to think very critically about that message – whose interest does it really serve and why? Don’t take it at face value. Investigate. Find out what’s true.

I think that would be a very powerful theme. I think we could go a long way with that theme – that it could really help us change course in a positive direction.

Now of course, I still need a plan, something more concrete and yes, I do have one – things I would actually do to help manifest a change in direction. It’s evolving, but here are some of the things my administration would set as goals.

Phase one: Reconcile with our past.

1. Apologize to every group, community, race, ethnicity, and country we may have harmed or mistreated — whether in ignorance or malice.

   1. Encourage other countries to do the same.

2. Do whatever we reasonably can to make amends.

   1. Encourage other countries to do the same.

3. Promise never to do those things again.

   1. Encourage other countries to do the same.

Phase two: Focus on the future. (A 7-point plan.)

1. Launch a Marshal Plan for climate change.

   1. Encourage other countries to join or do the same.

2. Pledge to never do anything that might blow up the world.

   1. Absolutely encourage other countries to do the same!

3. Strive to build good relationships with everyone, even the baddies. You never know when it will pay off.

   1. Encourage other countries to do the same.

4. Build a consensus to replace the profit incentive with the “caring for people and planet” incentive. 

   1. Encourage other countries to do the same.

5. Stop weaponizing language (like using the word “weaponizing”).

   1. Encourage other countries to do the same.

6. Never, ever refer to any state as “fly over” country.

   1. We’ll let other countries off the hook on that one.

7. Declare June 9th (my birthday) National Smile Day.

   1. Encourage other countries to do the same? Sure, why not.

I could say more, but I trust that gives you a feel for the direction I think the country should be headed. 

So with my candidacy now firmly defined, what’s next? Part of that depends on you. If you like what you’ve read and would like to support my candidacy – or even just my platform – please share this newsletter with a family member, friend or whoever else comes to mind. 

But whatever you do, don’t forget to smile :)

1.  That would be Alabama, Delaware, Iowa, New Hampshire, New Jersey, Oregon, Vermont, and Wyoming.